hate gettin mc and not gg to work. i miss my kids thou they threaten a rise in my blood pressure at times. planned to bring them to the playground today since my A student wont be ard. but i gotta be away from work. argh. sometimes things dont turn out the way you want it hur. shrugs. that`s how life is ya.
i hope when dec ends i`ll be clear of what i want in my life where i wanna go in my life. a few more days to the official day where i step into adulthood. looking forward but not to the busy stuff awaits me. well. its a process everybody gotta go thru. days have became so mundane that i have no idea what im doing everyday. nothing special happen at all. nothing for me to look forward. life has become such a bore. fwahhhhh. i need a new zest in life.
today korea trip was mentioned. and im seriously tempted to go w them. but $$ dont drop from sky you know.. argh.. i wanna go i wanna go i wanna go. i`ll make it happen.
all of a sudden i feel that there`s no one left for me in this world. noone for me to run to. you are no longer here. in fact you`ve not been here for a v long time. i really need to let out everything. all the pent up emotions is getting too much for me to bear. if only you are here. to listen to me to tell me everything will be fine. to tell me that you`re here for me. all this will nv happen now. i cant believe how foolish i am. no matter how much pain and hurt you`ve inflicted on me im still loving you. but why cant you just see it? am i really such a horrible person? am i? when i lost you my whole world crumbled. it took me days months years to slowly put it back tgt. infact im still doing it. just when i tot the pieces are filling in nicely a bomb came and blew it apart and now im trying my best to keep it intact.
my life is just messed up. seriously messed up.
what i wanted for my birthday will always be just a want. i can nv have it. do you know i wanted to spend it w you. just a day w you. that`s all i want.
and my birthday wish is v simple. i just want to be happy. i really want to laugh and smile and be happy like i mean it. (: the sun shined at 12:31 AM
