im so tired everyday. i have no idea whyyyy. its so frustrating to be so sleep deprived. argh. i seriously cant wait for the holidays to be here so i can recharge myself. and just be happy. (:
last night met up w mandy and chin for dinner at our usual. and it did felt gr8 to sit at macs and talk for eons. first time chin could stay out till so late. cause she the lucky ass is having her hols. fwahhhh. talks abt everything just came in. and conclusion was we really miss having such times tgt. and such times are so hard to come by. we are all so caught up in our own daily lifes that we hardly make time for each other. our schedules are so hard to accomodate at times. and so i cherish every single min i spend w them. manda i know you`ll be reading this. i really love you girls. (:
anyway its so hard to start working on that 09`s resolution. the more i try to get you out of my mind my life. the more you appear in my mind. i just cant stop thinking abt you 24/7. do you know how much self control i need to assert on myself to refrain my fingers to send a text to you? its just so difficult. why must things turn out this way? how could loving someone be like this? i love you so much that i hate you for treating my love like shit. for taking me for granted. i seriously hope that i can be strong and determine enough when you contact me. (or so i hope) i know perhaps i`ll look back at this one day and laugh abt it but at least i know at this moment you fit the bill for my type of mr right. if you are my mr right now but it turned out so wrong. i just cant imagine how wonderful will my mr right be when it turns out right. haas.
lonliness is getting the better of me. but then i dont need a man in my life at all. i can and i will learn to be independant! but somehow it would be nice to have someone here for me. fwahhhhhhhh. whatever la.
feigning ignorance is not bliss aft all ; facing reality hurts so much but i just cant seem to run away. i really cant come to terms that someone who i love so dearly who i have so much respect for could actually break my heart into ways i cant imagine. i dread seeing your face each day and pretending that i know nothing and still smile and joke and talk to you. my world is really falling apart. im using all my might to hold it tgt but it seems like im losing my grip soon.
take me away. just take me away from all this lord. i cant pretend that im strong anymore.
But you don't love me anymore You don't want me anymore There's a sign on your door No vacancy, just emptiness Without your love I'm homeless the sun shined at 12:15 AM
