its nearly 2 week. im coping just fine i suppose. but somehow i felt that its just all repressed. no point showing it all outwardly where everybody shuns you and ask you to get over it. the pain is evident, but not enough for you i suppose. what ive done is unforgivable, i know and i do believe it NOW. cause it led me to losing you, losing everything that we had.
at least now im feeling better and gonna start working soon. i needa earn and save money for the hopefully-nov-diving-trip-in-sabah. (: since my sep bkk trip w you is never gonna come true. i just need tonnes and tonnes of fun, friends and fatigue now. at least every night as i lay on my bed thoughts of you will not flood my mind and threaten tears to my eyes.
the romantic idea that you told me a week ago, either its something you believe in or just to calm me down, i hope it will come true. somehow i felt that i've grown up, at least i'll not really really dwell on it and cry till my eyes get all puffy nightly, or feel like mutilating myself. its so different 4 years ago. haa. but yes, perhaps its different. the both of you will always be different to me. but both of you are the same, the 2 of you left me. so what difference does it make? HAAS!
oh well, getting use to single life again is really hard. but somehow, like what aggy said its awesome to be back in the market right? yes. i do agree. and and and, im really proud of myself, for the past 2 weds, i tot i will cry my eyes out when im totally drunk, but i din shed a single tear at all. (: the last thing i wanna do is to be a total wreck outside. its weird when ppl ask so hows you and your bf and i gotta say we're no longer tgt. it hurts a lil more each time i say it. reality bites. but well.. i gotta be brave and forge ahead. (:
i know you are really firm in your decision this time, and somehow its a lil hard to digest. and yes it pains me each time when i think abt how you said "我们已经分手了。" yes, if its meant to be, it will be. hopefully this separation will make us realise what we want in the both of us and how to appreciate each other more in the future. as of now, im just gonna gather the pieces of my heart from the floor and treat you as just a friend. but as night falls, i hope you can be more understanding to my lil emo self.
it hurts to know everything gotta turn into a memory and once upon a time. but these memories will always be locked inside my heart. that small corner that belongs to you. noone can ever replace it. i've loved you. i really did. im still loving you and will continue to do so. take care mr silly. <3
"我知道你还是爱着我 虽然分开的理由我们都已接受 你知道我会有多难过 所以即使到最后还微笑着要我加油 我知道你还放不下我 才会在离开时闭着眼没有回头 我们都知道彼此心中 其实这份爱没停过" the sun shined at 2:24 PM
